Wednesday, June 10, 2009

I'm Not Insane

Where am I?
I was going fast, winding through long white corridors. They're taking me away. They're locking me up.
White walls, padded, just for safety.
I slowly turned my head left and right. I saw the doctor walking beside me, limping on his cane.
He was telling people to run tests, analyzing my symptoms.
Symptoms? Where am I? Who is he?
I looked down, seeing the device in my hand. It was blinking at me, asking me if I was okay. I typed back I was okay, watching as it sent my words.
Tell him, tell him they're locking you up. He'll come save you. He can fight them off.
We raced down the hallways, passing the women in white.
No, they'll see. They'll know. They'll lock you up.
Where am I?
The man with the cane, he looked to me, answered my unvoiced question.
You're pregnant. You fell. Now it's my job to figure out why.
I nodded very smally, turning away from him and looking at the blinking light in my lap.
I saw the bump, the little foot kicking out and I remembered.
I was pregnant. I was in the hospital, the blinking in my lap was from my phone, the words from the baby's father.
They whisked me into an elevator, and all was lost again.
The Dojo Master.
He was here, he was at the parking lot entrance. He could save me.
Why was he here though? Shouldn't he be teaching kids karate?
No, he's a hallucination. Don't say anything, they'll lock you up.
The man with the cane popped a handful of pills into his mouth. I recognized the man, but couldn't place where he was from. The elevator doors opened, and down more long hallways we go. I can hear ladies screaming, a baby or two crying.
What are they doing to these people?
They told me to sit in the green chair, wait for the nurse.
They are. They are admitting you.
I stared down at the tag on my wrist, scared.
I haven't spoken in so long, when the lady asks me what happened, I can't tell her.
I don't know what really happened.
It was hot.
I was hot.
I hear a woman tell the nurse I fell, and she caught me. My heart rate was high, worried about the baby.
He kicked me, then, bringing me back into the world.
I touched my stomach, as they made me change. Flimsy gown, hard bed. A tv with no sound.
The phone blinked again, he said he can't come.
I roll over, a tear in my eye.
You're pregnant. You're in a hospital.
I can hear the baby's heartbeat.
He's okay, the baby's okay. You will be okay.
I'm tired, I want to sleep. But afraid of the man with the cane coming back, afraid the long scary corridors will become my reality again. I watch the tv without any sound, scared, but suppressing it, it wasn't real.
I'm not insane.