But Honey Realize...

Life's not perfect

and doesn't go the way we plan.

There's bumps and turns,

things we don't anticipate,

but honey realize..

that that's just life

You can't plan every detail,

as I know I want to,

things change

and people make their own decisions

but honey realize..

that this decision is mine alone.

I know what you want,

and I know what I want,

But honey realize,

it's all out of order

Your life is yours alone,

You make your decisions,

their yours to make

but honey realize

this is my life.

I make my decisions.

But honey realize,

I'm not your slave.

But honey realize,

That I'm not your plaything

But honey realize,

I still love you

AN: contrary to popular belief, this is not based on anyone or anything. It was simply a poem I thought I migth share and preserve on here for future use in one of my stories. I'm sorry if anyone thought it was about my beloved boyfriend, it's not. Sorry for ya. but anyway, yeah, theres my disclaimer, it's not based on anyone.

I Really Hope You Weren't Looking for Rainbows and Ponies

You remember that friend you had in middle school? The one you could rely on, trust with everything, and still tell everything you can to this day? Remember that friend who you thought would be there forever, because after all you did say best friends forever..
Do you remember that friend?
I remember mine.
That one year, when she had left, I thought I'd die, I had no friends with her gone. I completely missed out on that part of school, whether in elementary or middle, or whenever you were supposed to learn it. I missed out on learning how to make friends.
Enemies, sure, but we had made those enemies together.
And with her at a new school, I was left all alone.

It took me a whole semester to find a friend, but then, to me they were just pawns in a game.
To be honest, I didn't have friends and didn't want them.
That one friend, the one friend I found that semester turned out to get me in trouble, and though I'm "friends" with her today, she's just a pawn.

That first friend, my only true middle school friend, I longed for her to be back. It's not like some creepy stalkerish-lesbian-love. I just wanted my friend back.
I'd get home, and call her first. Ask how her day was. All that jazz.
Even in highschool, that first semester, I continued making lists to tell her about my day. So in a way it was like she was there. Like I still had my good middle school friend.
So I wasn't alone.

But, no matter what I did, she gained other friends. Which is good for her, shes a social butterfly now.
And I'm that awkward middle school friend.
Our personalities got more diverse, and soon there was nothing but those memories to keep us together.
Eventually, we grew apart.

I still consider her my best friend.
I keep all of our pictures, to help remind me how much she was there for me, and how much I was there for her.
But it's all memories now..
She didn't keep any of her pictures.
I'm wiped clean from her MySpace.
Out of her life.

We still talk occasionally..but we're not as close.
It sucks.

I lost a very good friend.


xo
Kayy

"There is a luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves, we feel that no one else has a right to blame us. It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution."

The Picture of Dorian Gray

Oscar Wilde

Reasons for Change (please read)

So I had two blogs, this one and kayywrites.blogspot.com.
No one went to the other one so in order to get all my work mainstream, or as mainstream as possible, I moved all those posts here.

So Below are about five writing pieces.


Enjoy them all

xo
Kayy

Love

I said goodnight, and hung up the phone.
He didn't know, how could he know?
Know how much it hurt everytime I had to say good bye, even if just for a little while.
He didn't know how much it hurt me every time he walked out the door, or he left the room for all of a minute.
It was selfish of me to want him around so much, to be just in his presence.
It was what I craved, what I needed.
Of course, we couldn't be together twenty-four/seven, like I desired.
He had to leave, it wasn't like he voluntarily did it to me.
Phone calls and texting weren't the same, but at least I had some contact with him.
But nothing is as good as being with him, just to have him in the same room as me.
Everything melted away then, everything was perfect. There was no fear or wrongdoing when he was there. I could fly with him there.
It was...perfect.
Simply perfect bliss.
Of course, bliss only lasts so long before it too dissolves, when he leaves or hangs up the phone.
I love him so much, the world will never understand just how much.
And that, my friend, is one of the joys in life. To be in love, and to love someone so much that it hurts.
But it's the good hurt, the hurt that when you were a little girl yourself you dreamed of having.
And now that you possess such..love, such hurt that it feels so good you want more.
And no, this isn't a sexual kind of love, it's the intimate love of..just pure love.
Nothing is as...sweet and innocent as this love.
The love of your life that you want to keep forever.
This is the love that you want to marry, the love you want to die with, the love you want to be buried next to, preferably still holding his hand.

This is the love of a lifetime.


Please don't lose your love.


And please don't make me lose mine.


AN: The author has just committed the crime of a lifetime. Instead of covering her feelings for that one person in her life, for once she let the best words she could to describe it flow onto the screen. For once, there was no feeling-burial. Just...love.


I love you James.

Run Away Little Child

Run Away Little Child

You know they don’t want you

You know they don’t care

People may say

And people may act

But we all know a lie

Run away little child

It’s your destiny

Run little child, and your teddy too

It’s okay, I’ll care for you

AN: We'll run this on a "don't ask, don't tell".....
xo
Kayy

Memory-Ghosts

She wandered down the streets, wondering why she was here. The streets were dark, it was nearly dusk. Memories stared at her like ghosts from the shadows as she walked along. She didn't want to be here, to many memories were recalled.
The heavens opened up, their tears mingling with her own. Thunder and lightening were the heavens sobs, as she cried her own. Her shoulders heaved up and down, and finally she could bear it no longer.
She fell to her knees, straight to the asphalt. She could bear the memories no longer.
She laid on the ground, crying, soaking wet, as she cried with the skies.
The memory-ghosts stared, and prodded at her. Sharp pains through her mind as their psychological fingers stabbed her, drained her.
She cried harder, alone on the ground, in a place where she knew she shouldn't have returned to and never would again.
It seemed too much to bear.
She couldn't stand the memory-ghosts, and couldn't stand the unmerciless pain they inflicted on her.
The heavens had sympathy, closing their eyes, and looking away.
The Sun peeked shyly out, looking at the girl laying in the road.
The memory-ghosts fled away, running from the strength the Sun flung down.
The girl peeked out, straightening and wiping her tears away. She watched in awe as the Sun sent her an angel, a glorious angel.
He stepped from the clouds, and walked to where she was on the ground, crumpled and broken.
The Sun's angel sat down, his brillance was too much for her to bear; she had to turn away.
He turned her chin, forcing her to look at him.
He wiped a remaining tear from her cheek, and took her into his arms.
The angel stood, one fluid motion, and walked bravely down the street.
He carried her as far away from those streets, from the memory-ghosts.
She clung to his chest, thanking the Sun for sending him to her.
The angel looked down at her, smiling, and kissed her.
She kissed him back, and when she pulled away she frowned.
"What is it, my dear?" he asked her.
"It's you.." She saw her angel was someone she knew of for a long time, but never had the wonderous pleaseure of meeting. Until now.
She kissed her angel, and clung to his chest.
He carried her off, far away from the memory-ghosts, never to return again.


AN: okay so, I named this one Memory-Ghosts for lack of better title. I hope you enjoyed it.Leave me love
xo
Kayy

Drink My Love

Okay so I have no idea what this is, just that I need to let it out because it's been rolling around in my head for awhile and quite frankly I'm afraid it's creating too much static electricity. hahaEnjoy

Drink my love
Drink until you can no longer
It won't hurt much
Just a tinge
Drink my love
It won't harm him
Drink my love,
drink as much as you can stand
Don't ask what it is
or what is consists of
Just know I love you
sweet beautiful love of mine
Drink my love,
drink of me.
And I shall drink of you.
Drink my love.

Haha okay so after reading that, sounds like a creepy vampire love story haha.
Well, leave me love
xo
Kayy

Shattered.

Alone, I sat and cried.
Such a minor fight, a little thing, that brought a revelation.
If only he'd answer the phone I thought, tears streaming down my face.
What do you do in a situation like this?
So I sat.
And cried.
Hours passed. He wouldn't answer phone calls, texts, nothing.
So alone I sat.
And cried.
Finally, finally!, after what seemed like an eternity, a text rang on my phone
"I am so sorry for ever hurting you, I'm sorry you ever cried over me.."
I read in horror, reading words from him that were twisted, true yet untrue.
"..I'm so sorry for everything, I feel like I've failed you..."
You haven't failed me, love...
"..that I have taken away your freedom.."
You freed me..
"..like I keep you trapped. I need you to live your life to the fullest..."
And I will, with you there.
"...to fight for what is most important to you and do what you want to do without anyone getting in your way..."
The words seemed so...final...I wanted to stop reading, to call him and tell him I loved him.
Tell him he was all wrong...
The texts flooded in, his voice echoed the words as I read..
"...Be what you want to be, do what you want to do. Don't let anyone ever stop you, don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't do something."
Tears strolled down my face as I hurriedly called him...I couldn't bear it any longer. His voice sounded after the first ring.
"I love you. I never meant to hurt you. Goodbye, my love, you deserve better. You're free."
A single sound ended the call,
ended his life,
ended my world.
Everything.
Shattered.


AN: Okay, so I have to make this very clear. This was a fictious writing I wrote after discovering things about some friends. I'll say that much. Everything is okay, everyone's okay. Like I said, it's fiction. It may not seem like a good writing to you, but I know the value....leave me love
xo
Kayy

May I Do A "Just for Kicks and Giggles" Post?

I swear I think I'm so cool, sititng here drinking Sunkist like I'm all growed up. Haha, got my iPod and cell phone setting out like I'm all Mrs. Important. Haha
LIstenting to out-dated Nickelback like I be a supastar.
lol
Im such a mega uber dork.
I could totally turn this into a "be yourself/ self actualization" speech, but I think this is better.

Haha
Im such a nerd

xo
Supastar Dork
XD

Happy New Year: Resolutions and Expectations for 2009

Okay, so I guess I'm a bit late once again, but I don't think you have to make the resolutions and expectations exactly when the ball drops, so we're all good.
I just kind of wanted to do a few things in today's blog.
First of, reflections.
Think back on 2008. Yeah I know that last night at midnight most people threw away all bad memories and set them aflame. But for me can we recollect the ashes and bring those back?
First, I want you to think about all the good memories you had in 2008. ((That way you have time to find all the ashes of the dead bad memories.))
Think about every laugh, every smile. Think about what made you happy in 2008.
Maybe it was making new friends, or having a boyfriend/girlfriend that you kept until now. ((I'm sure there were others, and we'll get to them in a bit.))
Maybe it was some quality time with family or reconnecting with an old friend.
Whatever it was, just think about those times that you were truly happy.

Now, I want you to look on those ashes of the bad. I know it's tough but think about all the sadness you unfortunately had to experience this past year. Think about the tears and the heartbreak that you may have experienced.
Maybe the anger or disappointment you experienced.
I know this is depressing but really analyze all of that. Some of it is your fault.
I'm not saying every little piece is your fault, but theres bound to be something that you brought on yourself.

Enough with the reflections and all the hurtful memories.
Now we're going to move to expectations.
Yeah I know it's out of the previous order, but think about it this is more logical.
If you keep up your previous state then your bound to have more to burn next New Year's Eve.
Look to the next year. With this same state of mind will you be sad more than happy? Or happy more than sad.
Everyone I believe wants the latter.
Which brings us to the Resolutions.

Think about all that stuff that you can change.
You can change your attitude, and not have as much trouble with your parents or employer. Stay positive. You have to. Don't blow up over the tiniest things.
Now, I'm not saying bottle everything up so you become an emotional rocket that launches at the most inappropriate times, BUT you do need some control.
Make resolutions to do all this.
To realize that everything doesn't need an explosion, that it's not the coming of the apocolaypse if you don't get your way or have to do an extra chore every once in awhile.
Stay calm. Make a resolution for positive changes.

And another thing about resolutions, I hope you made positive and productive New Year's resolutions. Hopefully it wasn't something like "find a new boyfriend/girlfriend" and hopefully it was something substantial and something you'll actually try to stick with!

So I guess, that's all I wanted to say, stick with your positive, productive resolutions and maybe this year will be a happier one.


Welcome 2009!


xo
Kayy